Tears Turned To Dust
by OhSnapItzCat
Summary: My throat becomes dry. My mind soaking in what he had meant. He thought I killed the baby. He thought I purposely killed OUR baby.
1. Empty Threats and Hollow Lies

**Just to inform you, this takes place after Mocking Jay during the epilogue. This is about Katniss and Peeta struggling together. Katniss rebuilding herself, and realizing she does need help to continue on. I made her broken at the beginning but as the story does continue, I will promise you, it gets better. I based this story on Celine Dion's "Coming Back To Now", so expect the next chapter to begin the story of the song. I don't own The Hunger Games, although i do in my dreams. Don't forget to review, dont be afraid to be crucial. Enjoy.**

**Chapter One:  
>Empty Threats and Hollow Lies <strong>

Sweat drips down my face, my breathing is heavy. I feel a soft motion of fingers stroking my hair. My eyes, they won't open. I can't force them open. I can't move, I can't talk. A small groan escapes my lips, my body stiffens.

"Relax Katniss, please, just sleep." I hear Peeta whisper. I try my best to form a fist with my hands, but its easily covered by his, opening them and entwining his fingers with mine.

I rack my brain to recall the last events, but I can't remember anything. I use all my power to speak but it comes out broken, "Peeta, . . .wha-" . He understands my question and simply kisses my cheek.

"You slipped on ice in the woods, banged your head against a rock. It took hours to find you. Almost half the day, you caught a fever." I imagine my self sleeping under a blanket of snow, and the sun setting. "You've done a lot of damage to yourself. God, Katniss do you know how worried you've made me? You can't just wander off alone in a storm and not tell anyone!"

He's angry, you could hear it in his tone. I don't dare to ever make him feel sad or angry, Peeta doesn't deserve to have those emotions. I moan a "I'm sorry." before I let my body slowly go numb, drifting of to sleep.

* * *

><p>I sit up but I've moved too soon. Feeling completely light headed I laid back down. I try to recall the last time I got out of bed. My hand automatically goes to my forehead and my eyes squint, 'Why cant I remember anything?'<p>

Noises are coming out from the door. I'm in _our_ bedroom, I'm pretty sure about that. Rubbing my temples, I inhale slowly. _What pain did I endure to my body?_

Looking down I realize I'm in a heavy sweater that Peeta uses daily on his way to the bakery in the winter. My legs are well tucked by two quilts. Yet, I still can't stop my shivering and chattering teeth.

I try my best to get out of bed. I make it passed the door till my legs became sore and weak. "Peeta?" I yell as loud as I could say, holding on to the doorframe.

His footsteps hurry towards the place of my call. He stops and stares at me whole-heartedly. "You should go back to bed, your fever might come back ." He reaches for my hand but I pull away before he has the chance.

"No, I feel as if I've slept for days." I spit angrily, but there's no reason for my anger. Maybe crankiness. His blue eyes dart down strait to floor, "You have. But its what you need."

"Why?" Its just a fever, I wouldn't need days sleep even if it was sever. He finally looks back up, his piercing blue eyes turn cold, his tone goes cold "You just lost a baby Katniss".

* * *

><p>Impossible. This is absolutely impossible. Why would mother nature have the audacity to stab me in the back and get away with this.<p>

We're sitting close but it seems as if we're so far away. We can't even look at each other. His eyes are on the wall, mines are scanning the floor. At least we're on this couch, its the only thing keeping us stable.

"You knew? Real or not real?" His question breaks the silence. He's fidgeting with his fingers, his arms against his knee, his body hunched over.

I shut my eyes and lay back against the couch. "Not real Peeta, if I had known I was pregnant, I would've told you right away." I whisper back. There's no necessary reason for the whispering but I cant help myself to speak any louder. Then suddenly his outburst surprises me.

"Would you Katniss? Honestly, would you have told me if you were?" His tone is shaky and strong. His body turns my direction, his eyes burning me.

My eyes quickly open, I can feel this firey conversation growing into a wildfire. "What are you trying to imply Peeta?", I'm not ready for this argument.

His jaw tightens and his left hand forms a fist. "You know damn well what I'm asking Katniss. I know you didn't want to have kids but I didn't expect you to be as horrendous as the capitol used to be." He shot back, instantly standing.

My throat becomes dry. My mind soaking in what he had meant. He thought I killed the baby. He thought I purposely killed OUR baby.

My forehead creates a crease as my eyes burrow towards each other. He's done it, he's pushed me to my edge. "How dare you Peeta! How dare you compare me to them, let alone accuse me of murdering a child." I yell furiously as my knee's develop its own strength and I'm standing on my own.

"I have a heart too. How could you think that low of me?" My head shakes as I back away from him. My hands searching the side table for something to throw.

His face creates an expression I had never seen before. His eyes are glazed with water but doesn't fall. His face is filled with hurt, anger, and something I can't describe. His body stiffens as his eyes land on my hands.

"Don't bother Katniss." He turns and walks out the living room and out the back door. It's too cold outside for him to be in just pants and a shirt.

I follow him, my breathing becoming shallow. My eyes just keep blinking rapidly. As I reach the door, I spot his fist pounding the bark of the dead tree. The fair skin of his fist slowly becoming pink mixed with red liquid. Blood.

"Peeta! Stop!" it's not much of a yell, my voice isn't strong enough. But the adrenaline got me to run by his side in an instant. My hand reaching up to his broad left shoulder, pulling it back.

"Let go Katniss!" he pulls away and faces me. "Just go back inside. Now!" he yells close to my face that I breathe in the fog his mouth created, his fingers pointing towards the house.

"I didn't do-" I start but his arms automatically cut me off, pushing me, "GO! I don't need any explanation, especially from you." I find my hand slapping his face. I didn't mean to, I didn't plan on it, but it happened.

His lips form a smirk, he turns back to the tree, but with all my force I pull him back facing me. "How could you have the audacity to treat me like this?", this side, I've never seen his sweet innocence turn dark and cold. Its disappointing and hurtful.

His hands grab both my wrist and he moves his face close to mine, the tip of our noses slightly touching. " I hate you Katniss. Don't you understand? I. Hate. You." He hisses.

The beating of my heart stops, all emotions in my body are frozen. My stomach ties in knots and my jaw clenched. It sinks in, the wall I took so long to build just crumbled in seconds.

My head shakes, he can't mean it. He just can't. I pull my arms away to my side, I don't know what to say. I just assumed this was the hi-jacking part of him coming back, but its not. His blue eyes are pure, not black. I suck in my breath, I can't let him see my defeat. "Fine." As shaky as it comes out, I slowly walk backwards, turn, and go into our house.

I feel the heated water slowly developing, not now. I blink it all back, snatching most of my clothing fast as possible, shoving it in a bag. He hates me? Fine. He won't have to deal with me anymore. I look out the window, Peeta's making his way inside the house.

I quickly hurried my pace, as I open the front the door I hear him close the back door, "Katniss wait!". Before he gets a chance to continue, I slam it running to the only place that I know so well, the woods.

Sweat builds on my forehead but I'm so cold. Goosebumps crawl up my arm and the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I feel my cheeks burn red from the bitter cold but my chest is soaked wet of sweat. It began to snow again, great.

Finally I came across the burned cabin. The cabin where Gale had kissed me, where I had left two important followers before the official rebellion began. It was black, burned, a bit stable, but it will do.

* * *

><p>I stare at the fire, adoring the warmth it gives, my eyes swimming with it's odd colors. The blue dancing with a dark orange. Its movements comfort me in a way. My clothes were in a pile in the corner with my bag. I lean my body closer to the fire, my bare feet and hands stretch for it's reach.<p>

Why was I so stupid? So careless, to get myself in harms way. I didn't mean to... I didn't know I was... It wasn't my intentions to hurt Peeta.

I lay back, the coldness from the ground instantly shooting up my spine. It hurts, the cold burns but it helps distract the other pain, the pain I didn't know I had. The pain that he had caused.

He hate's me? Fine. I can survive without him, I've done it before. I've depended on my self many times. I'll be perfectly fine without him, without anyone. I look up at the ashed ceiling, my eyes darting to the corner watching water drip down. Its too cold for any animals to be out, how can I forget to snatch something to eat?

Think Katniss, winter, there's white rabbits. If I'm lucky, I could find some crowberries. Putting my dry socks and shoes, and extra clothing on. I'm ready to hunt.

Every step I take, the fresh snow makes a crunching sound. The sky is slowly becoming dark. I have to be fast, my only weapons are my hands. I stay still, my eye's only making movements. After a few minutes I see something move in the corner of my eye. A fat body with a grey long tail. Squirrel.

They shouldn't be out, they should be hibernating. I stop questioning it and begin to follow. Its small arms and legs underestimated me, it runs almost too fast for me to catch up. It's body crawls up a very tall and large tree, into a hole. I have a plan, a pretty stupid one, but I don't like it.

I get close to the tree, my hands are already frozen. Starring at the branches, I've already created a pattern of where to step. Blowing hot air against my hands, I carefully begin to climb. I sit firmly on the branch closest to the hole. I spot the small grey monster.

I slowly breathe, my hands slowly shaking as it nears the hole. I bit the corner of my lip, not sure of what can happen once I place my plan into action. Five, four, three, two, one! I jerk my hand inside the hole, once my fingers grip its body, a sharp pain electrocuted up my arm all over my body. At this point, the only noise I hear is my own scream.

**Tell me your honest opinion, what do you expect to happen next? What would you like to happen. R & R.**


	2. I Banished Every Memory

**Completely sorry for the late update, fanfiction wouldn't allow me to upload it for a while. Please don't forget to R&R, its okay to be crucial. Tell me what you think? Or have any ideas to also throw in. Thank you. PS: Josh Hutcherson, your just so smocking hot.**

**Chapter Two:**  
><strong>I Banished Every Memory<strong>

Cold. The word floats around in my mind like a falling feather. That's what I am, how I feel. The coldness took over my body five weeks ago. My right dominant hand has a dried scar in the shape of a tiny mouth, down my wrist shows the scars from it's vicious claws. The bottom of my calf has the longest scar from falling off a tree, the smallest scratches on my face shows how the bark scrapped my face.

It's ironic, because I won. The squirrel only lasted one week. I've been living off of melted ice, crowberries and cold for the past four. When night came, it was always the worst. This night, it's different. When you thought you couldn't get cold enough, the night proved you wrong. My body burned from the night's weapon.

I give up, my body is too numb, so is my heart. I can't feel the tips of my fingers, my emotions won't let me feel either. I don't want to give up. But I can't just survive like this anymore. I have to suck up my pride. I'm not letting Peeta get the best of me. But I will show him that I don't need him.

As I lay my body in the center of the wooded shelter, all my belongings on top of me, I wait. Listening to the wood's wind whistle, to the sudden icicles dropping from tree branches, I wait. Wasting time starring at the broken ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise.

Time is going slow, and I just can't help to think, what has Peeta been doing these past days? Did he bother to search for me? Did he care about my well being? Did he still hate me? I suck in my breath and bite the bottom of my lip. He doesn't matter any more Katniss. No one matters anymore.

My eyes would drift every now and then but the platter noise of the dripping water would wake me up. I couldn't find enough dry wood to create a fire. But I shouldn't have given up so soon. I'm a hunter's daughter after all.

The sun is slowly shining through the crack's of the broken walls, I begin to pack. Peeta should be on getting ready to work, after all bakers need to prepare their pastries in time for the day to please customers.

Leaving the cabin was difficult, not because I'm leaving my independence, but because every bone in my body hurt's from the movements I made.

I struggled going over the fence, but I make it. Thankfully there wasn't much sun yet, I wouldn't dare let anyone see me like this. Close to vulnerable. When I walk I noticed the dragging of my feet, the slowness in my pace, my haggard breathing.

I'm near the entrance of our house and suddenly the door burst open. I immediately hide behind the closest tree, taking a peek.

It's only Peeta. His hair is a mess, his eyes have a dark shadow of bags, sadness is mixed with those blue gems. I watch him scratch his head and stretch, feeling his pocket then closing the door. He walks as if there's nothing waiting for him, twirling his keys around his pointer finger, watching it spin. The only thing he has the power to control.

Once he's out of my sight I run to the back and crawl into the window, I didn't even bother to check if the doors were unlocked.

It felt nice, it felt like heaven just being inside my warm home. My skin started to become sticky, my hands and fingers were covered with cracked skin. I closed my eyes and smiled, absorbing this beautiful heat.

"Kat-Katniss!" my bag quickly slides off my shoulder once I turned around and faced him. His hands reach up to touch my cheek, "it really is you". I swat his hand away from my face instantly giving him an annoyed look. "Don't bother.", my voice sounded raspy, I haven't spoken in so long. His eyes became huge when he caught onto my wrist.

"What happened?". He actually cares for once. "What do you think happened?" I mocked as I picked my bag up and went around him, walking to what used to be our bedroom. "Shouldn't you be on your way to the bakery by now?" I know I wasn't imagining him walk away just a few minutes ago.

"I came back because I left my apron. That's besides the point, I'm staying now." I turn around finding him leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. What does he want from me?

My eyes squint towards him as I open my drawer. "I'm taking care of you. You obviously don't look okay." he says in a caring way but has a small smirk. I pull out a soft tanned towel and slam the drawer shut, turning then walking toward him. My temper is such a terrible disease.

"Look, I don't need you or anyone else to take of me." I spit out close to his face, passing him walking into our bathroom. I hear his footsteps follow. I turn on the faucet in the bathtub, measuring the temperature heat with my hands.

"Just let me take care of you Katniss, your not okay." his tone changed in to sincerity, I almost believe he's in love with my again. I turn around and strip my pants down, revealing my fresh scars. "Just leave me alone Peeta, I don't need this argument right now."

I stop undressing and look up at his face, he looks taken aback at the ugly designs on my legs. He catches me starring at him, assuming everything is instantly okay. His hand begins to reach for me again and I just back away. "Don't do this Katniss, don't push me away." I shake my head.

I really wish he wasn't here right now. I hands point out the door, "Leave me alone, doesn't that sound familiar?" I snicker at him, putting my hand on his chest and pushing lightly back.

He backs away, "Fine". I just slam the door and undress completely, looking down scanning my own body. It's a bit more pale then normal, but I'm fine with that. I don't need to impress anyone.

I plan to shower slowly not wanting to face Peeta, but the instant the water makes contact with my skin, I groan pretty loud. The liquid burns my cuts, like pure fire. I shake as I bathe my body with soap. Once getting used to the pain, I just stand there. The water spraying my face, not wanting to leave.

* * *

><p>The knock on my door woke me up, my moan follows. I fell asleep unintentionally still in my towel. "Umm if your hungry there's food for you in the kitchen", Peeta says while opening the door, his sea eyes grow huge. "Sorry I thought you were already awake, but umm-", I am honestly amused by this, just wanting to watch him squirm a bit more I let my towel fall a little. His eyes immediately fall, scanning the floor, and he continues to get to his point. "Johanna called three days ago, she just wants you to call her back as soon as you can." he scratches the back of his neck. "It sounded pretty important."<p>

Johanna? Seriously? What could she want? I stand up too fast, the towel falling, my hands trembling as I attempted to catch it.

It was too late.

I look up, Peeta has the biggest smirk on his face, but he's looking to the side. I immediately grab the closest thing and aim it next to his face. "Get Out!"

I haven't realized what I've thrown till I heard it crack. I clenched my teeth as I heard him laugh when he closed the door.

My hands ram through the cabinets, randomly picking clothes. I can't believe I just embarrassed myself, how dare he laugh. Peeta, you better be ready. I groan as I quickly braid my hair. Because payback, is a bitch.

I'm on the phone ending the call with Johanna. She still hasn't changed, the gruesome attitude. All she asked was if she could come over. Sadly I had no reason to say no. With the lack of efficiency from the Capitol, trains will be slow. I assume she'll be here by tomorrow.

I haven't left the bedroom since the incident. I have no words to say to him. I just know I hate him. I hate him because he thinks I'm a joke. I hate him because he thinks I'm not capable of taking care of my self. I hate him because he hated me, or hates me.

Deciding to not be lazy I began to clean up the broken item I had thrown at the door. It was a painted picture he had drew inside a beautiful frame. Already recognizing it on the floor, it's of me, but I'm asleep. My hands trace the broken glass above it, picking up piece by piece. I admire the background, the sand, the waters, the trees. It's all breath taking, I can't believe he drew part of the arena so perfectly.

I suck in my breath as a small sharp pain cuts through my palm. Drops of blood soon color the picture. Father did always say, don't ever get distracted.

I continue to carry the glass and make my way out the room, opening the door with my bloody hand. Walking towards the kitchen and throwing the glass in the trash. The cut stings as I wash it, but I'm already used to the pain. I've had worse.

There's pot of warm broth on top of the stove, its smell is so pure, so inviting. I don't want to take anything of what Peeta offered for me, but it's been so long since I've had an official meal. I must keep myself distracted from food.

Walking to the living room, I see Peeta struggle with his prosthetic leg while trying to nap on the couch. Guilt hits my heart. I have to let him have the bed tonight, i'm to blame for that stupid leg.

He gives up and his eye's land on me, "Did you eat? I can make you something else if you'd like". He crosses the side table and walks my direction. He groans looking down at my hand, attempting to touch it. "This is from cleaning up isn't it?"

I back away and turn, I feel like a five year old constantly being watch. "Katniss, stop walking away." he exclaims, his hands reaching my shoulder. "Just this once, let's-" I stop him, cutting him off. "No. We aren't in speaking terms at this moment." I say shoving his shoulder as I pass him to go back into the living room.

"Why? Why can't we talk about this?" you can hear the concern from his throat, but it's not enough to make me feel sorry. I turn to him, crossing my arms. "What is there to talk about Peeta? You hated me, remember? You wanted me to leave. So I did." I smirk. Now he's quiet.

His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Katniss, will you just let me explain?". I sit on the familiar couch, regretting the reason to why I left the room. I instantly lay so Peeta won't sit beside me, desperate to not be near him.

His brain kicked in as he sat on the armrest. "I'm sleeping here tonight, like it or not." I mutter to him. His groans his familiar noise, "You can have the bed, I'll stay here". Somehow this get's me irritated, "I said I'm staying here, no questions asked!"

Peeta suddenly stands and faces me, "For once, why can't you just listen to me? Why can't you just stop being stubborn and let me in Katniss!" As if it were an instinct I stand up to, close to his body that our bodies are touching. Almost shouting, almost defending, the words come out like a memorized line, "Because you weren't there when I needed you most".

**Be honest, how was it? Please give me some ideas to throw in. R & R.**


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